Cambodian Life

So I've been in Cambodia for five days now.  The life style is a little "rougher" here, but the people and the lifestyle here is beautiful that the "lacking" doesn't bother me. I actually enjoy not having all the fancy gadgets and such. Granted I would love fast daily access to the internet, but it’s been a nice change to not have it for a few days.  Its more laid back here than in Thailand, I don't have to worry about showing the bottom of my feet to people (which is seen as disrespecting someone).  This is a great relief, because you would be surprised how many times you actually do that.  Also in Cambodia it’s a part of life to take a nap after lunch; so I fit right in.  I think America needs to incorporate this way of life

The people here are adorable.  And the friendliest.  I can't tell you home many times a day I am offered food.  Cambodian's love to snack.  A common thing to do is to dip your fruit in a salt and chili pepper mix.  Which I haven't decided if I like it or not.

This week was a holiday, so I wasn't able to work in the office, but next Monday I will be able to start volunteering.  So this past week I've done some exploring and had a little down time.  I've also been given a translator that way I don't get lost and sell my soul or something of the matters.  Her name is Ra (I’m sure it’s spelled different) she's also from Cambodia and is the sweetest.  

More stories to come!

pre-practicum

I'm leaving for Cambodia for my 4 weeks of practicum this evening and will arrive sometime in the evening on Sunday.  A few things are flooding my brain right now. 

1) I'm slightly nervous what Jesus has planned for me these next four weeks of practicum. Jesus is a pretty powerful guy.  And all of his awesomeness can be overwhelming.

2) I'm excited that I get to go to another country and that I get to help an NGO.  The practicum was the thing I was most looking forward to.

3) I really need to get over myself, I'm not as great as I think I am.  the only difference I can make is by letting Jesus work through me to change others lives.  I can't do it. 

4) All I can do is put my foot forward and embrace this journey Jesus has in store for me.  I don't know what my purpose is.  To be completely honest, I feel slightly lost and wonder why I'm really here.  I know the cliche answer that Jesus has me here for a reason even if its not apparent.  But I'm still not happy with that answer. Jesus never gave me a to do list for a reason. 

This weekend marks me being away a month for Thailand.  Umm where did August go?

When people would ask me what my expectations for coming to Thailand was, I would say that I really didn't have any expectations.  I'm going because I have extra time and don't want to grow up.  All of that was completely true, but now that I've been here for a month I've realized some things.

1)That I wasn't being completely honest with myself with the whole expectations bit.  Subconsciously I was expecting to make an impact on the country of Thailand.  In the words of my summer boss, that I would be saving the starving children and making people happy.  And I'm at a study abroad program, to learn and stuff.  So the first few days of class, I felt that me being here and going to class was kinda pointless.  That me setting in this classroom, trying to make bffs with my professors was doing absolutely nothing for the betterment of Thailand.  However, this thought isn't necessarily true (ok it really isn't, but I don't want to admit the benefit of school).  My pride gets in the way of so many things.  I really need to get over myself.  I'm broken.  And the only good that can come from me is through Jesus' awesome power.

2)That school actually is supposed to benefit me and will help me greatly as me and Jesus face the world.  Even though I still struggle with this thought, mostly cause I'm ready to be done with school. forever.  I know it wouldn't be good for me to go out in the work field with no education.  I need to discover what I can offer and then offer it to places instead of just showing up saying use me I have no idea what good I am.  This process could turn out ok, but its much easier if I already have a skill and knowledge to offer someone.

3)And how wonderful life is when your not trying to control it.  This past year I've done a lot of things out of the blue with no or little expectations mission denver and the wycliffe internship for instance.  I wasn't a fan for the longest time, but I've come to realize how freeing it is to put my whole life in Jesus' hands.  To realize how powerless I am and that I really can't do anything worth while on my own, but if I let the Holy Spirit work through me some amazing things can happen.

That's What Really Happened?

Tonight we watched slum dog millionaire.  Now this is a movie I've seen a few times before, but I never realized how depressing it is.  When the movie started all I could remember from the movie was the whole toilet scene at the beginning, there was songs from M.I.A. the guy was on who wants to be on a millionaire and his continual search for this chick (I remembered the end but I don't want to ruin it, if for some reason somebody hasn't seen it).

As I watched this movie a whole new world of things were shown to me.  I saw the awful tragedies and injustices that are going on in India.  These awful injustices that are basically the same in Thailand.  My heart sank.  Which it really hasn't since I've been here, I've kinda been blocking things off and being numb to what was going on around me.  So that was probably a good thing that happened.

After if was finished, I was amazed at how much I actually forgot/didn't fully see before.  I remembered it wasn't the best conditions, but that's all.  Which got me to thinking, so many times we glorify the goodness that came out of the bad and not look at the brokenness to see how we can fix or prevent further injustices.  I'm not saying its bad that we celebrate the one person getting our of slavery.  Cause I think its wonderful that a life was saved.  We just like to look at the end product to get the warm fuzzy feelings inside.  To be like oh man those were awful inhumane circumstances, but now he's out.  Yay lets be happy for him.  Then move on with life.
I'm not ok with this.

I'm not saying we all need to rush over to Thailand and rescue all the women, children and men that are trapped in slavery.  Cause that would be pretty pointless.  It wouldn't stop the traffickers to fine more vulnerable people.  I don't know the answer to stop these awful things and I wish I did.  Sadly these things will never come to an end until Jesus come, but that doesn't mean to not do something.

I do know that we are called to help those that are in need.  I'm not entirely for sure what that calling is, but I know Jesus will reveal it to me or plop it right in my lap as something happens.  All I know is as I walk the streets of Thailand I'm called to act justly love, love mercy and to walk humbly with my Jesus.

(and now I will step off my soap box)

Tiny Piece of My Heart

For one of my classes we visited  Urban Light, which is a npo that works with boys that sell their bodies for money.  They have a center where the boys can go instead of having to roam the streets.  They are offered counseling, a place to stay, and any other help they might need in a friendly supportive environment where they can just be kids instead of having to please foreigners needs.

As I walked through the doors and talked with them about their organization, my heart completely melted and I fell in love with the work they are doing.  They were doing everything that is apart of my dream job. They have a place where teens struggling with life can come and receive the assistance and love they need.  It was just beautiful.  Too many times teens are just thrown away to the waste side, because they are seen as helpless causes.  Which is nowhere near the truth and I won't go into all of that cause I could write for days.  If you really want more info on that I'll send you my senior project.
I can't help but get excited for what Jesus has planned for me in the future.

That is all.

Adventures Continued

If you haven't have heard, I've made it to Thailand! I've actually been here a week now, craziness.

All is going well and the transitions are going rather smoothly, thank you Jesus.  Granted its not the easiest thing ever, since I'm in a complete different time zone, poverty is evident, I'm surrounded by completely new people, and i'm the foreigner (a stinking rich foreigner at that).  I however just can't get caught up in the little details about change and not embrace this wonderful new culture I'm surrounded with.  That would be dumb.

Somethings I've done on this adventure: I rode an elephant on Monday and ate a meal that was prepared in bamboo so that was pretty cool (I was actually pretty skeptical of it at first, cause you know of diseases, but I pulled up my pants and the meal was really good).  I've had my heart stolen my the lil Lahu children that are on the campus of the Lahu school (which is where I'm staying at), even tho we have no idea what we are saying to each other.  I've eaten wonderful dishes.  I've discovered I love Thai iced tea.  I got an hour long Thai massage, which was heavenly.  And attempted to learn something in my classes.  Yup.

Speaking of which, my classes are going good, I've just got a ton of reading.  Our classes are split up into 5 week courses so there's quite a bit of reading.  There interesting though so I won't suffer through them.

All is going well and I can't wait to see what Jesus has in store for me next.  Well I kinda can, cause Jesus has got some big powerful things up His sleeve, which can be a little intimidating.  But at the same time amazing knowing that Jesus is gonna blow up my world while I'm here (positively of course).

Continual Lessons

This summer I thought I would get a sneak peak of God's to do list for tricia, yet that didn't happen.  Instead I was taught to do lists are not what Jesus has for me.  Life isn't about doing this, this and then that and we are going to be good.  Its about daily, even hourly, seeking out opportunities to show God's love to a broken and hurting world.  To be in a constant praise of our Heavenly father that gave everything, while we still turned away.

I look toward the future and what it holds for me and I just make a guess when people ask me what I'm going to do.  I have a few ideas, but in all honesty all I see is God's love and grace ahead of me, nothing else.  I know God has a plan, I just need to wait on Him and see what He has in store.  While in this waiting stage though, I can't just set on my butt and be like la de da and just wait for Jesus to show up.  I still need to be a willing vessel for God's spirit to flow through me everyday.  Willing to give up my wants, desires and comforts and to make a daily turn toward my savior.  Willing to be willing.  So many times I'm like ok I need to do this, but I am never willing to go through with it.  Or if I do, it's not with the greatest attitude, so my efforts I'm barely doing our pointless.

Good Intentions.  A Joyful Heart.  Genuine Love.  Sacrifices.  Vulnerability.  These are a few things that I've learned this summer.  And by learned, I mean things I've seen the beauty of and need to continue to learn.  Learning about love one week doesn't mean I've mastered it, because I am no where close to willing to give my life in order to save a broken world.